Use of Should Have in the English Language
Phrase Does Not Inform, Teach or Add to the Occasion or Situation
Sep 4, 2009
In an era when negativity is frowned upon it is amazing how often one comes across the phrase "should have." These two words put together form one of the most negative phrases that is in use in the English language.
Language in a Business Situation
Picture this – the office clerk tells his boss that the letter he sent a customer yesterday has still not reached the recipient. The boss says, "you should have sent it express post." What does this accomplish? After all one cannot turn the clock back to yesterday. Wouldn't it be more useful for the boss to have said, "send another copy by express courier right now"?
Communication at Home
The home is where this phrase is very much over-used.
- When a parent goes to wake a child up in the morning, the child says he is too sleepy to get up and the parent says "you should have gone to bed earlier last night."
- When a child says that he is hungry in the middle of the afternoon, the parent says "you should have eaten all your food at lunch time."
- If a person says that he is running late to catch the bus for school or work in the morning, someone says "you should have got up half an hour earlier."
This phrase does not help in any of the above situations. With all the technological developments happening, humans are still not able to travel back in time to undo what has already been done.
Offer Solutions – Don't State the Obvious
It would be more useful if the parent was to give a solution to the situation, rather than stating the obvious and may be getting into an argument. In the above scenarios, the parent can:
- Suggest the child gets up and has a shower to help wake up.
- Offer a snack to tide the child over until dinner time.
- Indicate that this one time they would be happy to drive the person to school or work.
Offering a solution helps to calm everyone and makes for a happier environment. Also it leaves the door open for discipline at a later date.
Again, taking the above scenarios
- When a child is staying up late, the parent can refer to the previous incident and suggest that the child go to bed so that he is not tired in the morning.
- On a day that the child is not eating his food at lunch time, the parent can remind him of what happens when he does not have a good lunch.
- Remind the person to set the alarm half an earlier so that he is not running late the next morning.
This type of communication is constructive because something can be done to avoid the stressful situations and therefore is more productive. It is better to say "you should" before an event rather than "should have" after the event.
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